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I always get such an adrenaline rush when I finish a fiction. :D
Five things.
Rating: PG-13; Gen.
Characters: Dean, John, and a bit of Sam (with a side mention of Jess and an OMC and OFC)
Words: 955
Warnings: mention of character death. spoilers only if you haven't seen up to 2.01.
A/N: Mostly pre-series. One of those "five things person 'A' knew about..." kind of thing. I guess you could say the whole title is Five things John never realised Dean knew. Anyway.
Disclaimer: I'm such a good girl, but Santa as never brought me them to claim as my own.

Summary: Dean knows his father. As well as he knows Sam. John never knew that.

*

 

1.
Mary’s been gone one month, six days, eighteen hours and about forty-two minutes. Dean nestles Sam into the pillows of the double bed in Uncle Mark and Aunty Rachel’s guest bedroom and crawls into the bed beside Sam. Tomorrow they’re leaving, Daddy said, to talk to a man named Jim who can help them more than Uncle Mark and Aunty Rachel can.

Dean watches his daddy get up off his knees and wipe the tears from his face. He smiles gently and tucks Dean in, before kissing Sammy on the forehead. He goes and sits on the small camp bed next to the wall and watches over Dean until he falls asleep. John doesn’t pray anymore after that night.


2
.
When Sammy turns ten, his only birthday wish is for Dad to see his soccer game. It’s the first time they’ve stayed in a town long enough for Sam to be involved in anything, and though Dean’s not particularly sure why John said yes in the first place, he’s glad he did. Because Sam’s on a team and he’s happy.
But Dad’s got a hunt up more than a few states over, and he tells Sam gently that he won’t be able to make it to the game, but when he does get back they can go out for dinner and Sam can tell him all about it. Sam’s not too thrilled with the arrangement, but the thought of eating somewhere else outside a motel room, diner or house that isn’t theirs cheers him up enough that he doesn’t argue.

Much.


It isn’t until later, after Sam scores the winning goal and turns to Dean with a smile as wide as his ears that Dean spots a leather jacket by a black car. John has a smile on his face to rival Sam’s, and though he tells them he just got back, Dean knows that he had been standing there from the beginning.


3
.
The night Sam leaves, John has a love affair with a bottle of scotch. He cries and throws chairs around the room, and tells the scotch that he’s so damn proud of Sammy, it hurts. He tells the scotch he’s scared shitless something bad will happen to Sam and he or Dean won’t be there to protect him and he passes out at the table apologising to the scotch for not raising his boys the way he should have. In the morning he wakes up under sheets, his boots removed. He thinks that at some point he woke up and stumbled to the bed- and Dean won’t ever tell him otherwise.


4
.
John visits Stanford every four months. He sits in his truck and watches Sam move from the dorm to his classes, to the coffee shops and back. He watches as Sam is tackled in the park by friends with footballs and a few times by a pretty blonde girl. He watches Sam change residences, and celebrate the end of semesters. He occasionally breaks into the records to track Sam’s academic progress and once-just once- he breaks into Sam’s apartment, just to check if it’s safe enough. He always spends just one day watching, and leaves at the end of them with a smile on his face. The Stanford visits are the only time Dean sees that smile- the smile that says everything’s okay.

Dean sees, because he watches John watching Sam. He knows about the pretty blonde, and the new apartment and the result of the mid-term test the professor lost and had to send through in the mail. Dean knows John’s reaction to every event he witnesses on those days. He’s pretty sure John doesn’t know Dean’s following him- he’s exceptionally good at covering his tracks and John has never indicated that he knows Dean’s there too. Until October.

He’s meant to be there on the twenty-eighth- an unwritten rule that has just become routine- the twenty-eighth day of every four months is daddy’s school visit, so Dean always bunks in on the twenty-seventh. Until October. Because John doesn’t show. Dean hangs around for a few days just in case, and it’s on Halloween that he panics. He doesn’t need to ring his Dad to know something’s wrong, but he does anyway, for the purpose of evidence. And bang. There’s the damn evidence layered under his father’s voice. So he hops in the car.

He’s only two blocks from Sam’s apartment.


5.
John didn’t die simply so that Dean could live. Dean knows his father as well as he knows Sammy, knows his thoughts and feelings and actions before they’re even decided. He knows that for all the arguing and animosity that goes between them, John loves Sam. He’s proud of Sam and he’s proud of Dean and he loves them both more than anything. It’s why he’s dead now.

Dean doesn’t remember much about being a spirit, but he does remember Sam. Sam’s fear, Sam’s desperation, Sam’s anger. He was terrified that Dean would die and could do nothing to stop it. Dean can remember how Sam felt, as if he had been sharing Sam’s body and it was pain and rage and loss. And knowledge. If Dean had died, Sam would not have been that far behind him. And John loves them more than anything.

Dean forgets everything that happened while he was mist matter- but he knows in his heart exactly what John did. He knows his father. Knows his thoughts and feelings and actions before they’re even decided. John died, so that Dean could live. John died, because he knew that Sam wouldn’t be able to cope if Dean never woke up.

John died because he loves them- more than his own life.

 


Date: 2009-07-14 02:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adictd2life.livejournal.com
Makes my eyes fill up with tears.
Well done.

Date: 2009-07-14 02:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemanya.livejournal.com
ohmigosh thankyou!
*hands you tissues*

Date: 2009-07-14 03:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cousinmary.livejournal.com
This was great. The school visit was particularly effective :)

Date: 2009-07-14 11:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemanya.livejournal.com
oh thankyou
:D

Date: 2009-07-14 03:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hezio2.livejournal.com
I have to agree with adictd2life, I'm all misty. This is very nicely done.

Date: 2009-07-14 11:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemanya.livejournal.com
thankyou very much.
misty? what a lovely description!

Date: 2009-07-14 06:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] may7fic.livejournal.com
Damn... I'm at work and now my eyes are all misty! Beautiful. Thank-you :)

Date: 2009-07-14 11:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemanya.livejournal.com
i'm going to run out of tissues.
thankyou dear. gotta love those work-time fic readings.
:)

Date: 2009-07-14 11:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dodger-winslow.livejournal.com
I love this view of John.

Date: 2009-07-14 11:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemanya.livejournal.com
thanks me too! i firmly believe that he made a lot of mistakes, and was never the best father he could have been, but he was still their father and loved them and was there whenever he could be and hey, the boys turned out okay.

Date: 2009-07-15 06:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dodger-winslow.livejournal.com
I'm right there with you. If you haven't already, you might consider posting this over at papawinchester. Lot of people would love it there.

Date: 2009-07-14 11:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] northnelson.livejournal.com
misty here, too. thanks.

Date: 2009-07-14 11:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemanya.livejournal.com
excuse me while I go get a new tissue box.
all these misty people- we could start our own weather system.
thankyou very much.

Date: 2009-07-15 02:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theatervine.livejournal.com
Fantastic. Well done.

Date: 2009-07-15 12:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theatervine.livejournal.com
You're welcome!

Date: 2009-07-16 12:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] morganslady.livejournal.com
This needed a tissue warning, very well done..

Date: 2009-07-16 10:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemanya.livejournal.com
yeah, i'm starting to think not only will I need a warning, but perhaps free tissue samples.
thanks!

Date: 2009-07-16 01:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alias_chick.livejournal.com
That was utterly beautiful and I can see all these events happening. I'm going to stick this in my memories.

Date: 2009-07-16 10:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemanya.livejournal.com
oh wow, memories?
thankyou so much! i'm glad you liked it.

Date: 2009-07-16 05:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jdsgirlbev.livejournal.com
Quite lovely, especially that last one.

Date: 2009-07-16 10:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemanya.livejournal.com
thankyou! :D

Date: 2009-07-16 06:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] labseraph.livejournal.com
A fantastically lyrical look at the lives of the Winchesters. So many ppl who scream that John is a terrible father fails to see that for all the mistakes he made, there was never any denying that he loves his sons so much. I like how you illustrate that here with such poignant vignettes of their lives.

Thank you for sharing.

Date: 2009-07-16 10:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemanya.livejournal.com
True, John wasn't the best father, and he's certainly not even taking any runner-up awards. But you're completely right- and it's something I latch on to when their childhood comes into question.

Thankyou for reading. :)

Date: 2009-07-16 11:30 am (UTC)
embroiderama: (Dean & John)
From: [personal profile] embroiderama
I really love this! Your Dean and John are just right.

Date: 2009-07-16 11:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemanya.livejournal.com
why thankyou! I'm glad you enjoyed it. And it's always wonderful to hear when the characters hit the mark. :)

Date: 2009-07-16 03:17 pm (UTC)
jerusha: (dean blue)
From: [personal profile] jerusha
I really loved these glimpses of John through Dean.

Date: 2009-07-17 02:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemanya.livejournal.com
thanks! that's lovely to hear.
:)

Date: 2009-07-17 01:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cloudyjenn.livejournal.com
Yes, lovely! This is the John I see when I watch the show. Deeply flawed, but full of love and the desire to protect. Thanks for sharing!

Jenn

Date: 2009-07-17 02:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemanya.livejournal.com
He can be a really misunderstood character can't he? I think that's one of the reasons Dean loved him so much- all Sam could see was a drill seargeant who was never there. But Dean mentions a couple of times on the show that John loved them and protected them yada yada so I like to think he knew more about John's caracter than Sam did.
Thankyou for reading!

Date: 2010-03-08 06:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] marlowe78.livejournal.com
*sniff*
I especially love the fourth thing Dean knows about John. It kinda makes perfect sense.

Date: 2010-03-09 03:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemanya.livejournal.com
*hands you a tissue*
Thank you so much!

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